The older I get, the more sensitive I am becoming. Everything that I thought I had survived are sometimes back haunting me in certain things that I do. Somehow, fears and insecurities have created themselves and it's scary.
I realized that I should've been more careful at a younger age of who I decided to give my heart to, we all have our attachment style from growing up with our parents that determines who we are; Anxious, secured, avoidant. Also, we all have different levels of how much abuse we're willing to take, the funny thing is that no is one to blame but yourself.
I blame myself for letting a man break my heart and emotionally abuse me repeatedly, weekly, monthly for many years with no apparent reason than him just being "fucked up" and dragging me into his darkest places. I let that emotional roller coaster affect me because I was too intoxicated with trying to save him and believing that I deserved that kind of abuse. I was never showered with unconditional love, frankly it scares the crap out of me, but I now understand how I should've protected my heart because you're not always going to be superwoman and it's important for young teenagers to be more aware of what they accept or who they choose to be with.
The reason why I should've protected myself is because now patterns from traumatic experiences are left with me when in another relationship and it's so unfair to the other person. Have you ever had a dream of someone you love doing something really hurtful and when you wake up you're actually mad at them? Well, there's times where you can't help associating relationships and their outcomes...you want to avoid the same thing to happen...before it even happened or could ever happen...Therefore, it creates confusion, pain and anger.
it takes a lot to be aware of yourself and entangle yourself from bad habits, but trying and confronting the issue with your reflection and breaking your patterns to its core step by step is the best thing you can do. It will take some time. It's like taking a new breath of oxygen and making the promise to not let fears get in the way anymore and not sabotage what you have, because you're worth it and what you have is worth it too.
You can never know what it feels like until you've gone through it, and that is not held against you but sometimes a little common sense goes a long way to not stir more uncontrollable, unidentifiable feelings. When someone just found out about a death of a loved one, everything becomes sore, fragile, your words are not as casual anymore and they sure resonate.
The irony is that there is not a lot you can say, but they are things you can simply avoid...and it's not rude for you not to say them...if anything it's the opposite.
What to say is actually replaced by simply being present...Being thoughtful, a hand, an eye contact, a touch and silence! yes, silence...is therapeutic.
Get out of your ways to avoid not understanding, in a deeper sense, what this person is going through at a very time sensitive moment where a lot of your survival instincts, hurt and disbelief are switched on. No one is asking you to awaken emotions but just think through of what feels right to do and say and what doesn't.
We all have our insecurities and the goal is to overcome them and realize that they are produced in the first place from the desire to please others. You're not getting these 11 inches extensions for yourself, you're not painting your face with a crazy amount of make up for yourself and you are surely not dressing in a very sexual way to turn yourself on. Let's be real. Society projects an idea of perfection at all times which triggers insecurities in all of us, it's only natural.
It is important to love yourself just the way you are and perform perfection by being YOU, Confidence makes every inches of your body and soul the most charming tool to please yourself and others. We do have animal instincts and we are made to seduce intellectually, physically and emotionally. The pretense of being someone else by unnecessary extravagant options to make yourself look less possibly human thanks to our Photoshop, social media and apps that makes you believe the unbelievable is only going to soothe you for a small amount of time until the mask falls off.
It is more exhausting for me to spend time of pretending to "look like a better version of me" than just being myself. Take care of your body, of your skin, of you hair and nails by relying on natural alternatives. Whatever it is that makes you think that you are not enough is a scam. You are enough. You are you and the insane part is that it's not that common anymore so go ahead and be original, natural, open, organic.
Don't complain of not finding a decent partner to treat you the way you should be treated when you're confused with who you are and scared to be who you truly are. Natural lips, breast, hair, nails, ass....is OKAY! I have my little insecurities like everyone else but I love myself, and not in pretentious way, just in a way that we should all accept what we have to deal with. I wake up and go to bed with the same face and when you do it for YOUR-SELF, someone will love you for everything that you are beyond the looks.
good ingredients for hair mask: coconut oil- vitamin E- olive oil- egg- Argan oil- Castor oil and take Biotin for growth.
skin- vitamin E- coconut oil-lemon-avocado-honey.
Ph balance and relaxing Baths ingredients: Epsom Salt- Baking soda -essential oil (lavender, eucalyptus)
You can find detailed post on my instagram account @jewelsbarzman also, here's a list below of the prodcuts I use.
There's so many "types" of relationships that you have to go through to really be able to understand the one you're in. To be in love with someone, in reality, is an everyday evolution of your feelings, emotional surprises, disappointments and so on...Do you ever ask yourself, why are you in love with that person?
Well, today I can give you 1000 reasons set and stone of why it wasn't the guy himself that I loved but more my projections of what I wish he could be or what I wish our relationship could be.
Here's the thing, a lot of women think that they are in love but they are actually "tortured" by not having what they want in that particular relationship so they create projections of hopes, beliefs and wishes of how it should be. The trigger to that are often loneliness, daddy issues...(sorry i'm not sorry), not being able to stay single and desperately needing male presence and affection. The problem is that you will drive the other person away because your projections tends to advance your feelings at full speed, meanwhile your guy is still getting used to the idea of you and you're like..where's my ring? It doesn't work like that and he will run...not to the man cave honey...but to the man's unicorn land and believe me you're never getting the address to that one.
As a human being, it is quite irrational to fall in love with someone who's not giving you anything to built a loving relationship with, before even getting to that stage, a loving relationship takes time, comfort, intimacy,disagreements, agreements, laughter and communication, genuine communication. When you don't have these things to hold on to built your "love me" case to the jury, you basically don't make any sense and your human behavior underlies emotional issues.
I remember once, dating this man that ultimately now that I look back, knew nothing about. He wasn't very nice, pushed me away and what I really thought I enjoyed about him were my own fantasies of him...I was so sure that perhaps I'd wake up one morning with some superwoman magic powder to blow in his face and make him fall for me...obviously, it didn't work out between us :-P
Even though these feelings, which I thought were true feelings, they made my mind go crazy, they brought pain and I didn't understand what was happening. I was facing my own demons and hoping that his soul would help me, that he'd bring everything that I've always desired...meanwhile the fucker lived his life peacefully and good for him because he knew we weren't meant to be, my mistake was that I took it personal and fought for something that In time, revealed itself has meaningless.
1/6/2015 0 Comments
We all know those quotes, that are quite cheezzzyy "Love like it's your last day" or "enjoy it while you can" I mean we've heard them...but do we really grasp what it really means? Do we feel it vibrate in us when we hear it, and more importantly, do we live by these rules? unfortunately, we don't and that's fortunately because of our thoughts that are not reminding us at every heartbeat that it could end. Only Sundays do that...I hate Sundays.
Although, people who have experienced traumatic, sudden loss will see the world differently and their behavior will change...towards everything. Only someone who's received that electric shock can fully understand what I mean and that's why it's unfair: If you have someone close to you who's been through that kind of pain, really try to understand what is going on if certain situations that you are confronted with are confusing to you because of their behavior.
I've lost quite a few people in my life, they meant the world to me... each one of them were in a blink of an eye...I will always remember the phone call, or the screams, or how I felt in my body at that moment...like an outer body experience where you observe yourself being destroyed by uncontrollable, burning, paralyzing pain, the world starts spinning and everything shatters..and then something magical happens...your survival instinct. You become the strongest person on this earth, after the numbness of every single part of your body, you get up and do everything that needs to be done...if it's a close relative, you might end up having a lot of paperwork and other dumb stuff to take care of..because life can suck like that which, funny enough, I was thankful for because I didn't have the opportunity to THINK...after that came the process of grieving.
When that's all done and we're back to moving on with our lives, who are we?
we're pretty much paranoid...that's a fact my little bunnies, we all of a sudden have new scenarios in our heads under the "catastrophic" section. It can get quite creative. I'm kidding, but i'm not really... and that's because we've had a taste of some kind of Fucked up reality...and my oh my it's bitter.
On the brighter side, we're pretty laid back little fuckers who could care less if they get a parking ticket...get the idea? the little things, don't matter anymore.
we're the ones who will wake up on a random day and cry because of a wave of sadness, grief and the inability to see the person anymore is too painful. for some reason, on that day...why? who the fuck knows. They're called waves...like an emotional roller coaster, that goes by waves. Better get your surfing gear my friend.
we're the ones who are fearful of certain dates because there are a reminder...
we're the ones who are scared that anything could happen to the ones we love...Our fears have shifted to another reality, another spectrum of life, we value life and we realize how quickly everything can change. We absolutely don't mean to freak anyone out or bring the blues but...the worst happened to us and we've dealt with it. We're just soldiers who are surviving. You can't erase a scar...you can only heal it.
We have changed in some ways because of the aftermath from coping, for example, I know for a fact that I get worried easily, I don't mean to and I am very aware it can get annoying..hihiihihihi oh well, *brush ma shoulders'off* so for the people who faced traumatic losses, let alone gruesome details that they have to cope with and just the simple question "why?" that will resonate quite often... it is imperative that if you haven't experience anything like that, thank Gawddd, that you try to understand how a person would be different from the others and why is that.
A curtain has been closed or opened depending on your way to see things...to me, it opened...I understand more what it means to love someone, to touch them, feel them, listen to their heartbeat..observe life, the beauty of some places, sunrise, ocean...again, of course it's cheezy, until you've faced the unimaginable, then it's just a way of living. Living is the key word here.
Let's imagine changing who we are was as easy as walking into a store across the street, well, let's just say we would all look alike because what we want is always the same thing: perfection. What is perfection? and why are we getting so obsessed with it? I think that the magazines, facebook and instagram are quite the little demons in this generation.
The truth is all of the magazines and social media are an embellishment of what we think our lives "should be" and that is really sad, our life shouldn't be or should be a certain way. We should just live our lives the way we want without having society telling us we don't live it the right way. It's quite difficult to run away from the desire to be prettier, skinnier, wealthier, happier, funnier, healthier, hotter...when that's all we see. It's like a frozen meal beautifully placed in a plate that makes your mouth water because it looks appealing and... that's about it.
Social media has become a measuring scale for beauty & some, It's really hard to compete, practically impossible. The superwoman and superheroes on my feed are out of this world, hey buddy, you ever get any pimples? hey girl, you ever get bloated...like ever? a little? are you even human? that's what crosses my mind at times. I'm actually quite aware that who I am, will never change. Yes, i'd love to be taller...damn it, I should've had more soup growing up...oh and my hips..they are like these students that attended school E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y. bitches be present! what can I say? I love my bread, and Photoshop makes me want to give it up sometimes...NO! I SAY NO!
Basically, our virtual life is so damn perfect, I mean if we didn't know any better we'd assume you're never working, making tons of money, living in the Caribbeans 11 months on 12, you never gain weight, you sure don't have hormonal issues and you got the perfect relationship on a 365 days basis. I mean shit, what's your secret?
For instance, some instagram accounts are very impressive, take @hunnies_allure, amazing account regrouping all the most gorgeous girls of the instagram...well, go ahead and swim in paradise but ladies, don't ever feel self-conscious or not beautiful enough to truly be yourself. With that said I have asked the owner of the page, the one known as Mr. Grey ;) to give his view as he is well aware of how social media portrays body image:
Body image is a complicated aspect of the self-concept that concerns an individual's perceptions and feelings about their body and physical appearance (Cash & Pruzinsky, 2002) Now, I consider myself aptly positioned to view such a shrouded topic- I mean- I'm a male, run a successful Instagram page and sex, it sells right? 2014 has seen an explosion of the need to 'fit in' and conversely, an implosion of confidence and expectations.
I meet women of different ilk, different shapes and different sizes- and I can honestly say that most males won't know the 'perfect' shape....simply because there are so many damn variables! Shit, remember when Victoria's Secret said Kate Upton was too "fat" to model for them? Now voted sexiest woman alive- Seems the so called experts got it very wrong.
Women: you need to remember that you won't be everyone's taste, hell why would you want to be?! Do I like fit bodies? Yes I do because I am an avid weight trainer but I am also a fan of anyone that looks after their health - the sexiness comes from confidence and how YOU project it. IG is littered with implants, butt fillers and the like- I have nothing at all against them but to assume you will achieve results with a magic pill or one exercise is naive to say the least. If you look in the mirror and feel insecure- that's fine, we all do- Porn has guys thinking only a lamppost for a penis will suffice your everyday partner- See what I mean? The question is what you do about it. Worrying about how a paid model looks in her pics will only lead to a pool of anxiety and probable psychosis (studies prove this) when you know its the pic chosen from 20 selfies taken at that time!
I've seen this blog owner with and without makeup and I can assure you- as a guy I was refreshed to see how pretty a face could be left natural- so know this- you are stunning as standard, you're obligation is to you yourself, to become the best version of yourself for YOU!
Sex sells in the short run...confidence will sell itself long term.
Mr. Grey. @Hunnies_allure
The standard of beauty is having a very flat stomach, huge boobs, long skinny legs, skull looking-like cheekbones and big fat lips... what would Audrey Hepburn say?
Now, a lot of girls do look like that, some are highly criticized, one said " I know i'm not everyone cup of tea and that's okay." I agree with her, although my thought is, what pushed you to get double D'S in the first place? I can't imagine growing up and naturally wanting two huge balloons graft on my upper body unless it came from a false very convincing influence that the new generation is surrounded by.
Bottom line, perfection comes in different flavors, indeed, although no one actually looks like there retouched, filtered, angled picture and I have pictures on my own account where I even surprise myself! ha! well, look at that! I don't look the same at all when I wake up or when I walk down the street! believe me. I am damn photogenic, i'll give you that but so are all these girls and guys. Some of us are blessed in a lot of different aspects but that doesn't make you less or better than anyone in this world to the point of changing yourself to look pretty much like plastic. Learn to love yourself, the real you, the natural you. People will admire you more for being you than trying to be something you're not. You don't need to tweak your appearance because of a snapshot of someone's reality, imagine all the things that a single snapshot can hide.
J. & Mr. Grey
Here's a few of my favorite that I use daily to keep a natural look:
Agreeing to an imaginary "contract" with your significant other is always a little nerve wracking, that's why trust is a huge percentage of the transaction. Without trust in yourself and in your partner, your relationship is doomed. The imaginary contract is pretty much common sense: respect, no lies, no cheating and just be there for one another. That's pretty basic although sometimes things can get a little tangled, confusing or misinterpreted and we start looking into things to "protect" our relationship, or so we think we are protecting it.
It's really important to learn how to read situations and know which ones are a threat to you or not, although you have no control over your partner and that is important to understand.
What you have control over is YOU! what you have to offer and the life you create for the both of you. This is what I mean by knowing your worth, If someone wants to be with you, there are a million reasons why they made the commitment and some are unexplainable because it's a subconscious factor that links you to many different aspects that makes him feel alive when he's with you: Your scent, your aura, your voice, your skin. Basically, it's you and that's it.
With that said, there's no point in being the police with your other half because bottom line, if he or she wants to ruin things, the life you have, everything that is offered and given with love...well it's really on them. Yes, it hurts and yes you will survive. Just know you worth by being the best you can be for your partner and wish them to find someone like you again if they ever decide to cross the line. Life works in mysterious ways and there's no going around that, Karma is also a pretty sweet devious baby and the truth always comes out, no matter how hidden it wants to be.
Don't waste your time in looking for things that can go wrong or people that can come between the two of you. If you are in a hurtful situation, communication is the way to go but be careful to not create that situation yourself. If you truly trust your other half, you should own the serenity that they will not hurt you. Nothing and no one is more of a threat than yourself. It's not the easiest advice to go by but it does eliminate a lot of stress and anxiety.