This voice in my head shouted, all of a sudden, these three words : "live a little." I have been so confined in my own ways and molded into a routine that I forgot to take risks, to have spontaneous adventures and just live. It was like an outer body experience where you witness your other self that is bringing you down and you decide to boot her away! go away! I've realized that worrying my life away is not going to do me any good and I'm only gaining wrinkles. I'd rather gain these wrinkles because I played in the waves for too long. Of course don't forget your sunscreen...but live a little!!!
I don't want to work a job I hate just to pay bills and somehow still suffocate because i'm unhappy and surprisingly still broke.
I don't want to beat myself up to do the best that I can do at something that I don't give a shit about. As "bratty" as it might sound, I just don't want to do things that I don't want to do that will result in me waking up 10 years from now and wonder...what now? So I take risks, I quit jobs, I get new jobs because guess what, you will find another job if you have/need to and I still manage to enjoy life.
Some of us don't have everything planned out, perhaps it's a luxury and we take it for granted by being worried of the unknown...of what's next...we don't see the train rails so it freaks us out and instead of going forward we're motionless. Like my father said to me once "It tells me more about your character when I see you fight for something you hate for the security rather than move on and take risks and believe!" He's right...I don't want to be that person that complains everyday and doesn't do anything about it. Good energy is contagious, the more you put out there, the more you'll receive in mysterious ways.
At least I force myself, no more monologues with Mr. Anxiety trying to tell I'm not good enough or social anxiety...I'm not the most comfortable around people but now I tell myself, nope, get out...GO! get out of your comfort zone...be uncomfortable, get to know yourself in that circumstance and every time I do I come back to myself feeling satisfied, accomplished and my soul is nourished. Basically, I'm battling against myself.
Yes, I'm worried about my future, yes I'm worried about money, yes I'm worried that I'll just end up single and a loser, yes I'm worried that I'll never become the great actress that I can be...but these things are not in my control if I just worry about them, work extensive amount of hours keeping me further to my goals, do nothing about it and let myself drown in depression because i'm unhappy for obvious reasons. It's a vicious cycle that I refuse to fall into. I've been victim of it and all I ended up with was a waste of time, debts, sickness, severe depression, no growth.
I sit down and brainstorm ideas that I have, that hopefully will come to life with the work that I put into it. It won't happen overnight and I have to believe that it will all be okay.
Cheers to living a little! go out, go to the movies, go lay on a piece of grass to see the stars, go and cook your best meal, go and dive in the ocean, go take surf classes, go travel by yourself, go do something you've never done before and also work towards your goals. Just don't lose yourself...don't forget to live.
I want to laugh, I want sun, playfulness and good vibes to flush away the negativity and let go of things that I can't control and let time decide for me when the answers to my questions are ready.