1/6/2015 0 Comments
We all know those quotes, that are quite cheezzzyy "Love like it's your last day" or "enjoy it while you can" I mean we've heard them...but do we really grasp what it really means? Do we feel it vibrate in us when we hear it, and more importantly, do we live by these rules? unfortunately, we don't and that's fortunately because of our thoughts that are not reminding us at every heartbeat that it could end. Only Sundays do that...I hate Sundays.
Although, people who have experienced traumatic, sudden loss will see the world differently and their behavior will change...towards everything. Only someone who's received that electric shock can fully understand what I mean and that's why it's unfair: If you have someone close to you who's been through that kind of pain, really try to understand what is going on if certain situations that you are confronted with are confusing to you because of their behavior.
I've lost quite a few people in my life, they meant the world to me... each one of them were in a blink of an eye...I will always remember the phone call, or the screams, or how I felt in my body at that moment...like an outer body experience where you observe yourself being destroyed by uncontrollable, burning, paralyzing pain, the world starts spinning and everything shatters..and then something magical happens...your survival instinct. You become the strongest person on this earth, after the numbness of every single part of your body, you get up and do everything that needs to be done...if it's a close relative, you might end up having a lot of paperwork and other dumb stuff to take care of..because life can suck like that which, funny enough, I was thankful for because I didn't have the opportunity to THINK...after that came the process of grieving.
When that's all done and we're back to moving on with our lives, who are we?
we're pretty much paranoid...that's a fact my little bunnies, we all of a sudden have new scenarios in our heads under the "catastrophic" section. It can get quite creative. I'm kidding, but i'm not really... and that's because we've had a taste of some kind of Fucked up reality...and my oh my it's bitter.
On the brighter side, we're pretty laid back little fuckers who could care less if they get a parking ticket...get the idea? the little things, don't matter anymore.
we're the ones who will wake up on a random day and cry because of a wave of sadness, grief and the inability to see the person anymore is too painful. for some reason, on that day...why? who the fuck knows. They're called waves...like an emotional roller coaster, that goes by waves. Better get your surfing gear my friend.
we're the ones who are fearful of certain dates because there are a reminder...
we're the ones who are scared that anything could happen to the ones we love...Our fears have shifted to another reality, another spectrum of life, we value life and we realize how quickly everything can change. We absolutely don't mean to freak anyone out or bring the blues but...the worst happened to us and we've dealt with it. We're just soldiers who are surviving. You can't erase a scar...you can only heal it.
We have changed in some ways because of the aftermath from coping, for example, I know for a fact that I get worried easily, I don't mean to and I am very aware it can get annoying..hihiihihihi oh well, *brush ma shoulders'off* so for the people who faced traumatic losses, let alone gruesome details that they have to cope with and just the simple question "why?" that will resonate quite often... it is imperative that if you haven't experience anything like that, thank Gawddd, that you try to understand how a person would be different from the others and why is that.
A curtain has been closed or opened depending on your way to see things...to me, it opened...I understand more what it means to love someone, to touch them, feel them, listen to their heartbeat..observe life, the beauty of some places, sunrise, ocean...again, of course it's cheezy, until you've faced the unimaginable, then it's just a way of living. Living is the key word here.